Sometimes On the Way to A Dream...

... You get lost and find a better one!!   I have very high expectations of what I want out of life, and the type of person I want to be.  One of those expectations is to be responsible and provide a healthy environment and good life for my boys.  As a single mom this can be difficult at times. I am a very independent person and pride myself on being self reliant, even if that means we don't have the latest, greatest anything.  With the weight of the world seemingly on our shoulders, we tend to take it all in stride and not see what it doing to us, emotionally and physically.  In trying to provide a good life and set a good example for my boys, a lot of things took the back burner, my health, having fun with the boys, making the "right" time for them and taking time to go visit family...   I had spent the last two years with migraines, they started out one or two a month and by the time they stopped, they were almost daily.  Life was miserable for me and my boys...  I had been working for the same company for 8 years at that time, I loved my job, and it provided me with resources and insight that played into my lifelong goal.  It was something that I was good at and proud of, and provided me a sense of security and family (I have no family in Tennessee), then things took a turn for the worse and it rocked my world.  Just over a year ago, I lost my job....  and watched as everything I had worked so hard to keep or earn slipped from my grasp...  I lost my apartment...  then my car... and my independence.  Almost overnight, everything changed, and I was going to have to become dependent on someone for something.  This scared the hell out of me; I was ashamed and hit rock bottom...   Well, there must have been a spring on the bottom, because I wasn't down for long...  within a few months the migraines were gone, I was getting healthier and HAPPIER than I had been in years...  I was perplexed.  How could this be?  How could I not "have a pot to piss in or window to through it out of" and not only be ok, but be even better?  I have had a year to think about this and have come to the conclusion that I was not remaining true to myself, my values and my priorities.  I got in my own way, and stayed there for a long time, with the disillusioned thinking that I was doing the right thing for me and my boys.  I was completely wrong.  A year later, I work from home running my own jewelry business.  Sure, right now it doesn't pay anything close to what I was making in corporate America, and I am still dependent on some awesome friends...  but I get to spend time with my boys and don't have to choose between them and work...  or being tired from work.  I have learned how to do something I have never even considered before; I find new challenges everyday and amaze myself when I conquer them.  I have learned so much more about myself in this last year, that I never would have learned any other way.  I am good and my boys are great and that's the most important thing to me.  It took losing everything to have everything.  So... on the way to my dream, I got lost... but I found a better one.